But now, things are clearly different. My ex picks the kids up at 3pm on Christmas Day, which is actually a good compromise. I get them for Christmas Eve, which I make a big deal of. And I get to see my babies on Christmas morning, and that’s priceless. I try to be fair and give my ex the time he wants. After all, I get to wake up with them, even if it is at 7am!
For someone who was raised in a traditional household, this “hand off” to the other parent is increasingly difficult. I was raised spending all day with my sisters and parents. Fast forward all these years, and my younger sister isn’t an active part of the family and doesn’t visit and my kids leave at 3pm. It’s tough. I feel the loss. But we do make the most of it. I get to spend my time with my parents, which I now understand is so important. Especially when my kids aren’t close, I sort of understand how my parents feel. And I love spending time with my older sister (she’s going to kick me for pointing out OLDER in big, bold letters. Older older older. Just saying.) and nieces and nephew. They ease the pain of not having my kids there for sure.
At some point, I recognize that even if my ex isn’t perfect, he’s still my kid’s dad. And he WANTS to see them, which I’m aware is not always the norm. I think he does the best he can, and the best he was raised with. Not everyone has the ideal upbringing, or the most ideal role model. He is working with what he has, and the kids are happy with that right now. So I’ll take it. But in the mean time, I can only reflect on myself. And for a woman who didn’t think she wanted kids, I can say now that I was way off base. I read this quote below and cried.
They are all of these things to me, they are everyday my masterpiece. I very much view them as a work of art, not quite completed but always evolving. And they, in turn, have made me the same thing. They make me understand that I’m not perfect; I’m a work in progress. I learn from them what it is to be humbled, to be brought to my knees by love for someone (and not silly boyfriend love, I mean REAL love. Unconditional love.) On a similar note, I found this quote on Pinterest (I said I was obsessed!!) that may accurately describe my sisters (the OLDER sister) relationship with her 19 year old son, who she loves dearly but I suspect wants to strangle sometimes. I anticipate being in this situation in T-minus ten years (my son is 7).
And after many years, I finally understand that the fulfillment I wanted wasn’t held by the gypsy, wandering life alone plan that I always had, the one of wandering the country solo in a Ford pickup. It was fulfilled by creating and raising two forever companions for my life-long journey. So this year, I have decided that I have a new favorite Christmas song. This is a big deal, because my two favorites FOREVER have been “O Holy Night” and “Blue Christmas”, strictly by Elvis. This year, I’ve decided that the sentiment behind “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” (the Bing Crosby one is my fave.) is much more suiting to me. I’ve included the lyrics below. I think they’re relatable, and tell my story this year. Enjoy!
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of Yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
Saved as a favorite, I really like your blog!
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