But a few years ago, when I got separated and simultaneously my younger sister stopped speaking to entire family, the fun of the Fall season, especially as a precursor to the holidays, stopped being fun. I stopped hosting my party, I didn't do my normal decorating or autumn walks with my kids. I didn't celebrate the autumnal equinox or iron leaves in between two pieces of wax paper ( a personal favorite). Thanksgiving and Christmas with my wonderful family had become not so lovely. Not because we didn't want to enjoy it, but the dynamic of attendees, mostly my sister, was very different. The loud laughter wasnt there any more, and my mother and father in particular were withdrawn and quiet. I know I would be also if my daughter didn't speak to me. Especially considering how hard they worked to raise us very close, and with a strong sense of family that would work anything out together.
So here we are, years later. She is still not speaking to the majority of us and doesn't come around for gatherings. But you know, that's okay. That's her choice. I don't have to agree with it, I just have to move on from it. Which I have done, but the family hadn't. I'm a firm believer that I don't have time or interest in trying to convince someone to be in my life, and why I should be in theirs. It should be an organic, natural feeling. But one member of a family can't change the dynamic alone. In a negative way, yes, because she did by leaving. But after that, the family had to be reshaped. And there had to be a grieving period that no one else can live for you. That takes time, it takes strength and it takes work. And it takes understanding. I didn't possess that in the beginning.
Suddenly... something changed. My mother, who is obviously the cornerstone of the family along with my dad, has become more engaged. We've been going out together again and visiting again. The black cloud has lifted, the hardest part of grieving seems to have passed. Or perhaps we all just recognized how short life really is.
I'm even more committed to making this holiday season, starting now, the way it always was. Yes, it's changed but here's the fact: those of us who WANT to be an active part of the family are still here. And we need to stop waiting around for someone who has "opted out" of the family. It's their loss, let them create their own happiness. Finally, we're recognizing that we have to do the same. I have kids to make into holiday fanatics. I have a wonderful family to spend time with NOW. And I have friends who love it as well, so why not enjoy what I've got right now? I've learned that I'm very glad that I'm not the one who opted out, it's made me happy to know that I am committed to working through family issues, versus running from them. Every family has issues, but not everyone has the committment to working it out. I don't want to miss a Christmas, or a hilarious family birthday dinner or a chance to make a new memory.
In celebration of this awesome time of the year, I'm sharing a couple of my favorite DIY crafts. Check out these creative blogs, they have fantastic ideas, especially great for treats to send in with your kids to school, or to hide away in the corner and eat by yourself. Not that I've done that. I just promise not to judge you if you do!
I hope you're enjoying this time of the year. In times past, this is the time of the year to rest and celebrate with family and friends after a long harvest season. Put your own spin on it by embracing what and who you have in your life right now. Stop worrying about not being able to change someone else, and work on making yourself the best you can be. I get to making some memories by ironing leaves in between some wax paper sheets. I'm sure you'll love it too.
"Every beginning is a consequence - every beginning ends some thing." ~Paul Valery
Check 'Em Out:
The Paper Wreath at Retropolitan
marshmallow Jack O Lanterns at A Simply Klassic Home
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