Sustaining Spirituality Project: Part Two.

As promised, here is the second “installment” in my Sustaining Spirituality project. It really takes me some time to come up with who to ask to write these c columns. Spirituality isn’t usually something that people wear on their sleeves and it’s generally something that takes someone a while to disclose.  

For this blog post, I turned to my Aunt. I know that she has walked a difficult path in the years since my uncle’s death, and that it has greatly affected her spirit. I also knew that it would be an emotional post for me to read, and it was. I cried through the entire thing, because he was so near and dear to us and I know how much they loved one another.  But as I knew it would be, her journey has been very personal and in the end, put her exactly where she needed to be. And not only has she landed at her own personal truth, but she is helping others at the same time. Truly taking something painful and turning it into hope and love.  I hope you find her observations and honesty as beautiful as I did. 

Without further ado, my Aunt’s journey, in her own words:

 I spent a lot of time thinking about this when you asked me to write something. I didn’t know if I could really talk about what I have been through. I decided to just tell you how I got here from there. I am a born again Christian. I promise not to preach. Because I’m not good at it.  If anyone had spouted Bible verses at me I would have tuned them out. This may not be your truth but it is mine.

Growing up I went to Sunday school and then church, confirmation the whole bit. I hated church, when I got old enough I ditched it. I found it to be cliquey, cold, and not relevant to me in any way. Oddly enough I believed in God and always prayed.

I married the man of my dreams and we had three sons. I had a good marriage and a great life, I was really happy. My only ambition was to be a good wife and mother. I think I was successful at that. Periodically I would ask God to come into my life, but I never felt anything different. Things happen in God’s time not ours. I was not yet ready.

Six years ago my husband was diagnosed with leukemia. After five desperate torturous months, he died. In a very real way, I died with him. Life as I knew it was over forever, my heart was ripped from my body. I could feel nothing but numbness and pain. You wouldn’t think those two emotions would go together, but they do. My Pastor came to the house to make funeral arrangements and my family and I prayed the prayer of salvation (asking Christ to come into your life). I couldn’t feel anything at the time but seven months later when the numbness wore off I had an inner knowing that I was not alone. I had been going to church all along because I knew it would have made Smokey happy. I now felt something had changed in me. I’m not saying all was well, because it wasn’t.  It took me years to make peace with his death. I began to go to Bible study and learn about Christ. The more my faith grows, the more I can see the hand of God in my life.  In the small things and the large as well. I wouldn’t have noticed before. My faith has brought me comfort and the assurance that God will provide for me, and the greatest gift of all is his love for me. The verse I live by is John 3: 16&17, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believers in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” He did not send his Son into the world to condemn it but to save the world through him. Really think about that for a moment… could you do that? I know I couldn’t.

 I don’t know how anyone can look at nature and not acknowledge the existence of God. Everything has a purpose, a design. We are interconnected with the world around us and with each other. I sometimes spend time just thinking about what a wondrous gift God had given us and all he asks is that we love him and each other.

 I don’t consider myself a religious person. I think of religion as the rules and regulations of the church which may or may not be Christ centered. Instead of being spiritual my goal is to be a spirit filled person. I have a relationship with God. That’s an awesome statement to make. I can go to him at any time and know that he is listening.

 I’m living my life in a new way. I’m giving more of myself to others, whether it is feeding someone at Hospice, giving someone a hug or even telling someone they look nice in that color. Whatever it is, I’m doing my best to brighten someone’s day. In my own way I’m sharing the love of Christ. It has been healing and comforting. I have a long way to go but I’m on the right path.

So, that’s how I got here, and here isn’t so bad.