Here’s an insider blog secret that you probably don’t know (if you don’t blog). I can see your thoughts. Nervous yet? Insert maniacal laughter here… Wondering if you had some questionable thoughts before I tapped into your deepest, darkest and possibly dirtiest thoughts? Oooohhh…I hope so! It’s been a slow morning for me.
What I actually mean is that every blog host website has a “path” of how people have come to find your blog. I know that about half of my daily readership are regular readers who have signed up and get my posts emailed to them (if you haven’t yet, you should). But you other half…you’ve stumbled onto my site because you were looking for something, or Googling the random two words of “kindness” or “spirituality”. Granted, not everyone arrived here searching for those two words. Sometimes, I wonder all together how people have ended up on my site when they have searched the following words: dust picture books, pot de polyster, drunk girls, and my favorite, cows and pigs. Now, I may have a questionable memory but I don’t recall having drunk girls hanging out with cows and pigs on my site, but weirder things have happened I suppose.
But for those of you who have landed here looking for thoughts on kindness and spirituality, I applaud you. You have felt the pull to further explore those things, good for you. You’re done feeling like this material and surface world that you’ve been surrounded by is “good enough”.
This morning, I’m going to focus on the kindness part. I recognize that waking up every day with a shiny, happy outlook is a hurdle. It simply doesn’t happen. But the outlook MOST of the time is what really counts. In the Buddhist tradition, this is called “Intention”. When was the last time you actually thought about your own intentions? It can be kind of scary, really. Our intentions are really not as pristine and pure hearted as we’d all like to believe. Sometimes revenge is the intention, sometimes it’s head games with our lover, sometimes it’s our own gain. We have many ways to dress it up to make it SEEM like good intentions, but we know in our heart that’s not the case. But we can change that with effort and commitment.
The simple word “intention” means a determination to act in a certain way. So you see, even on those mornings that you have to drag yourself out of bed, have to take a cold shower, get cut off on the way to the office only to get there and realize you have two different shoes on? They count too, so long as behind your actions (even if you are miserable) your intention is kindness. And perhaps the best effort at kindness you can make is to stay silent when your coworker royally pisses you off? Yep, that counts. Because you could have torn her a new one, but didn’t. Seeee….kindness! And perhaps when that coworker gets home and realizes she’s been horrible to everyone and you were NOT horrible in return, she will make a new commitment to kindness on her own part.
Understand that you will begin to try your hardest at constant kindness, and you will fail. Yep….you will. How’s that for an uplifting, encouraging thought? But really, it is encouraging. It’s human nature to commit to something: weight loss, a New Year’s resolution, relationships, etc. And it’s human nature to fail and then get discouraged and eventually give up. We’ve all done it. Half of the battle lies in understanding that it is indeed human to fail. Again, it’s the intention behind it all that matters. And if your intention is to be kind, that includes being kind to yourself. So start small, set a small goal and once you achieve that, add another. Your first step may be to figure out how to help less fortunate people in your community. Even if you can’t afford to feed them, you can go to the local food bank and assist in packing up the food. You may not be able to adopt every child that needs it, but you can volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club, or even have one of your children’s friends over whom you hear is having a rough time. This is a great first step to understanding how lucky you are, which is a key part of kindness and empathy.
I found that this verse by Maha Ghosananda is a pretty helpful reminder of the path and process:
The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into the habit;
Habit hardens into the character;
Character gives birth to the destiny
So, watch your thoughts with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of respect for all beings...
Remember kindness really does start with you. Towards yourself first and then on to others. So therein lies Kindness Challenge #2. Take time to be kind to yourself FIRST. This means looking at yourself honestly in the mirror and finding at least one thing every day that you genuinely love about yourself. It can be big or small. How about the color and expressiveness of your eyes? That your good soul shines through your smile? Your hands and that they've lovingly cared for your children or supported others? After you've acknowledged what you like about yourself, try to identify what you like about others, and I mean ALL of the others. Even the assholes. Maybe the one who cut you off has a nice car that you recognize they probably work very hard for. Maybe that nasty coworker has nice skin, a face that isn't yet being marred by wrinkles despite her permanent scowl? This WILL take work. Trust me. And for that occasional person that you cannot possible find one good thing about? Pity them. Hope that they come around eventually and be extra thankful that you have self relection.
And after you've done that for a week, the phrase above will become more clear and simple. It will become habit to look for the best. And you will be easier on yourself when you recognize how good you are. That's where that quote "You Must Be the Change You Want to See in the World" came from. Gandhi got it right. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that!
Winter is not my favorite season, you will here this oh...about a thousand times this season. It is, however, an excellent time for rebirth. Letting the old leaves and bad habits die away and fall by the wayside in Autumn. In the winter, spending time together with your loved ones who encourage and accept you the most is the best way to find acceptance for yourself and meditating on what you really want to see change about yourself and how to get there. And then finally, Spring. A time to put your mediations and plans into place. So here's to you and our Winter Challenge...Good luck! I even put pretty pictures of winter in this post to help you to look forward to it...its not working for me, how about you?
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