Thanksgiving Thanks for Ex's Who Make it Easy to Move On

We all have those moments when we pretend our ex’s don’t mean as much as they do. Luckily, I’m fairly transparent and my friends see right through this. But we all have that thorn in our side, the ex that we just can’t let go of for some inexplicable reason.

It doesn’t matter if you’re with someone else; if you’re single and “totally over him” or you’re somewhere pining away (I hope this is not the case, go get a hobby!). But you and I know there is just SOMETHING that you can’t shake off. That’s okay, it happens to the best of us. Especially those of us that are passionate people. We’re drawn chemically to other passionate people. Like it or not, there is something that pulls passionate people into one another’s orbit.  And when we meet, its borderline magic and catastrophe.  It also tends to make it impossible to move on to a normal, good person afterwards. Or at least to be “all in”.

We spend some time wondering how long it’s going to take this schmuck to get it, to realize what he’s passing up. And sometimes, they go on and help us to move on faster.  They do something stupid and make us remember why we left them to begin with, or why we should be glad to be without them now.  I like to think of this as a cosmic smack in the face telling us to get the hell over it and move on. 

I have a good deal of experience on this subject, which I’m certain points out to everyone what questionable taste in men I have. I know this. And I have also been on the flip side, where I have been the schmuck that gave a guy a reason to move on from me…such as my vocal opinion on marriage (as in, I’m not doing it again), babies (as in, I’m not doing that again, either) and my aversion to being generally well behaved all the time, to being ladylike ALL the time, and that I have no desire to apologize for a man’s lack of confidence and comfort with an “in your face” kind of gal.

That being said, my point (and I do have one) is to really FEEL that cosmic smack in the face. Look at that person for who they demonstrate that they really are. This is not to say they’re bad people, just not the person for you.  Women, in particular, have the tendency to make excuses for the ex. We convince ourselves that him dating a woman-child is a bluff; maybe he didn’t realize that she was born after Reagan was elected and after neon socks were in fashion? It’s okay if she has no idea what Aussie Sprunch spray is because she only had baby peach fuzz.

 

Or maybe it’s okay that he keeps calling you while he’s dating someone else, because clearly he doesn’t love her as much as he loved (oh wait, LOVES) you. Even though he was probably calling her while he was dating you. Just sayin…



Here’s an idea of things that should help you to move on, should your ex do one, or God forbid, all, of them:

He is in a relationship with someone new, but keeps contacting you to get together (and you, of course, keep saying NO!).

He dates someone born in a totally different musical genre/timeframe. Trust me, that’s a big enough gap.

He dated you while having another girlfriend the entire time, whom he spoke poorly to you about when her name came up. Oh yes, this has happened. To me. For almost a year. Like I said, questionable taste in men.

He gives himself a “makeover” to make up for his age. As in, dyes his hair, waxes his chest, starts obsessively working out and questions changing his name to something more “hip”.



He hasn’t yet done the smallest thing you’ve requested as a “deal breaker”, but yet has time to beg to come back or drink with his buddies.

He hangs out with people that are all ten plus years younger.  Red flag much? Impending mid-life crisis?

And these are just a few…and the “he” can be replaced with "she" easily, because as well all know, we’ve been on the other side. Some of my breakups actually make me giggle if I think back to how ridiculously I acted. But I generally only acted ridiculously if I didn’t care about that person leaving, which in itself is a revelation about relationships. Maybe he/she would’ve acted differently if they did really care. How’s that movie title go? Right! “He’s Just Not That into You”. Bingo.



Here’s to finding someone equally into you as you are into him this New Year, and to listening to that little inner voice that’s screaming “Watch Out! You’re about to get the shit smacked out of you by the cosmos!”