All Summer in a Day by Bradbury and Other Rainy Reflections

Here we are… the calm after the storm. Well, I guess calm is a relative term in this case. To me that means cleaning up my yard, and my house, which is more destroyed from my children being locked inside then from the storm. We had a few tense moments, more from the tornado warnings, but we are all fine with our electric restored after 18 hours on the fritz.



Since I had nothing to do Saturday night but sit and watch the storm roll in on the front porch, I got to thinking. I love storms, always have. The excitement of it, of the lightning and the thunder. It has always sent waves of exhilaration up my spine. Now, I still get waves of exhilaration, but sadly as a homeowner I get stressed as well. Right now, I’m in a house that’s so old, parts fall off all on their own. It doesn’t need any help from a hurricane or wind. Perhaps if I move into a rental, I’ll get to enjoy the storms just like when I was a kid…you know, when someone else had to do the clean up and file the homeowners claim.



When I got older, I began to realize that storms where not only a favorite of mine, but of authors and movie makers as well. They were constantly used by Austen in dramatic moments. Remember when Marianne almost caught her death by running towards Willoughby’s estate in Sense and Sensibility? How about The Perfect Storm? The night Heathcliff leaves Wuthering Heights? The part in Practical Magic (my favorite) when the girls bury Jimmy in the back yard during the rain storm? In fact, Alice Hoffman (who is my favorite author, hands down) includes rain in many of her books. And all of her books are part practical, part magical. So perhaps it’s that rain and storms have always appeared a bit magical to me, and there is nothing I love more than seeing the magic in everyday life. I'm hoping that at some point, you got to create some magic in your everyday life while enjoying at least some part of the storm. 



I also have never been able to get the story by Ray Bradbury titled “All Summer in a Day” out of my mind. I must have been in elementary school when I first read it, already somewhat on the outside fringe of the “in” clique. The inside crowd was never where I longed to be, like some other girls I knew. I liked being outside of that group, it held no pressure for me to look the same as the other girls, dress the same. And most importantly, I never felt pressure to participate in cruel jokes and poor behavior that seemed to be the “hazing” you went through all the time to stay in that group. Sure, they made me the target sometimes, after all I was an easy, if unimaginative, target with red hair and gap teeth. I guess that made me the lazy girls target! When I read “All Summer in a Day”, I identified immediately. Not with Margot, per say, but with the cruelty of children and the need for so many children to go along with cruel behavior either to fit in or to remain obscure and invisible. No one wanted to rock the boat by standing up for Margot. And that was the lesson I retained from the story. In your lack of ability to stand up for someone else, you are never sure what you take away from them. It was a really powerful story in four short pages.



In addition to reading, writing, cooking (while I had electric!), I ran out to take some pictures, and tried to capture at least a bit of the beauty I find in rain. And when we did lose electric, I tried to convince my children that it would be fun to try and imagine how people lived a hundred or so years ago, without electric or running water. Too bad I didn’t think to capture their extremely unbelieving and critical faces. Clearly, they were on to a mothers desperate attempt at keeping the natives occupied during our blackout period. But hey, a moms gotta try!



I also realized when I began inserting pictures into this blog, that I take pictures of storms everywhere I go.  Two of my favorites are from out west, one in Wyoming and one from Colorado, which is the most amazing picture I've ever taken. I think it looks like an angel.  Oh, look! Everyday magic. 



Hope you’re all getting by and on your way to life as usual. Or better yet, life unusual.

Free Speech and Stupidity: Two Odd But Frequent Bedfellows

There are so many “thin lines” in life.  You know, that fuzzy area when you’re not quite sure right or wrong, or which side you’re on.   Let’s discuss one today, shall we? Since  I’m the writer and essentially talking to myself right now, I say yes. I hope you agree.

Today’s fuzzy topics are both about free speech.  Two different blog writers, both in my good old home state of Pennsylvania. Ironically, both authors are in towns less than a half hour from me but their stories have blown up to national status now.  Let’s start with the one in Bucks County. That’s where I live.



A few months back, I read in my local paper a story about a blog titled “ThePsychoExWife.com” and the authors fight to keep the blog up and running. His ex wife had become aware of the site, and had since taken it to court stating it was disparaging and damaging to their children which they jointly shared custody of.

He said, She said….

He (the author) says he wrote the blog anonymously as ""the true account of a marriage, divorce, and subsequent (child) custody fight between a loving man, his terroristic ex-wife who we suspect suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder ...".  She says the kids have seen the site and have asked him to take it down as it’s hurtful and damaging to them. I can’t imagine why, considering he described his ex as "... on the precipice of 40 and probably looks all 50-years of it. Imagine if you will, Jabba The Hut, with less personality. She spends her time ... drinking her days away bemoaning her victim status, when she isn't stuffing the children with fast food, buying them toys, or pushing them towards the TV or computer."  Goodness.

And as an ex-wife who recently received a text from her ex-husband mistakenly meant for someone else in which he referred to me as “Satan”, I sat and thought about this before forming my opinion. And I have to say, I do agree to this man’s right to keep operating his site. What if it was me, and I was the Ex? Well, I can’t say I’d love it but it’s his right to keep the site going. He never named names, he operated it anonymously. A third party was responsible for informing his ex and his kids. And frankly, even if that wasn’t the case, it is his First Amendment Right whether she likes it or not. It’s also his ex’s right to offer a rebuttal should she desire one.  I don’t think that either one of those choices is the proper one for the kids. But I would also not choose to operate a blog on negativity and anger, as I feel his was (it’s taken down now, so I really can’t tell except from the one up in its place where he’s fundraising). There’s plenty I could say about my own divorce, some of which I share here, but most of which I choose to keep to myself. It’s a matter of taste, I suppose. I guess it is “his” true account of a marriage, divorce etc”, and everyone has their own truth. I feel I’ve been pretty cool and fair to my ex, and he still chooses to call me Satan, so there’s a prime example. 



The second story was about a teacher in the CB East school district who has been a teacher there since 2006. She has stated that she started her blog for friends, and never thought that students or co-workers would see it.  That alone is a wonky theory, as blogging is free to pretty much everyone to read. But regardless, she took to her blog to talk about her favorites….and her not so favorites.  Her favorite Food Network chef, and her less favorite students and co-workers. And don’t forget she blogged about her distaste for the school district administrators.  Pretty much just let loose, and included a picture of herself and used her real name and real last name initial to really drive it home. Maybe not the smartest move if you’re going to bite the hand that feeds you and talk smack about the kids you’re supposed to have a passion for teaching.  Well, I guess she WAS passionate, as you can tell by her description of her students: “My students are out of control. They are rude, disengaged, lazy whiners. They curse, discuss drugs, talk back, argue for grades, complain about everything, fancy themselves entitled to whatever they desire and are just generally annoying.”  See, passion? Just not in the vein you’d expect. She continued on and on and….on.  And then mentioned that she was essentially burnt out and maybe should take a break.  Hmmmm, ya think?!

And now, despite the fact that she has been retained by the district for this school year, no one wants their kids to take her class. I take less issue with her online rants then I do with her multiple run-on sentences, considering she’s a literature teacher. Seriously sister, a period here and there wouldn’t kill you. 

We land exactly where we were when discussing the ex-husband. It is her right to free speech. Not smart, but her right. And it’s the parents right now to withdraw their kids from her class, though I wouldn’t. I think it would be much more difficult for her to face the kids she ranted about, and she’d have to explain it when called out by one of her students.  Because she will be, repeatedly.  But it does lead me to wonder if these school districts don’t have some kind of clause in their teacher contracts that prevent this?

I’m a firm believer that what you put out to the Universe comes back to you. Good or bad. It’s how I choose to live my life. I’m overly nice sometimes, I’m too kind to people who don’t deserve it (and even those who call me Satan), I’m fair.  There are days that this hope is what gets me through when I wonder what the heck has possessed mankind and pushed us to be so impatient, unkind and ungiving. Whatever happened to empathy and walking in someone else’s shoes?

I'm sure those writers have enough anger and hate to fuel years of blog posts, but I wonder if they’ve ever REALLY wondered what it’s like to read that teachers blog as one of the few good kids she teaches? Or to be one of the kids who read their dad describe their mom as Jabba the Hut?

Again, it’s my view that they have rights.  I defend my constitutional rights. Just as it’s my right and choice to own guns, it’s theirs to free speech. Don’t tread on me and I won’t tread on you.  

When It's The Right Choice: Leaving Someone You Love

There are many wonderful things about having great women in your life. A thousand laughs over good food and wine, nights out you’ll never forget (but maybe should!); years of history with people that you know will always have your back. There are hard things as well, but I’d have to say one of the hardest is watching a friend leave someone they love. And I think it’s so hard because most of us have been there. I also think it’s the bravest, and oddly the most loving, thing you can do for someone you’re in a relationship with when it’s just not working. Of course, it’s difficult to explain to that the party that you’re leaving, but you remain hopeful that down the road they will understand.

Everyone has a breaking point. Whether it’s anger issues (that was mine), alcohol, drugs, abuse or just plain incompatibility and growing apart (also mine). But at some point, you recognize that something’s got to give. Someone has to be the brave one who is willing to stand up for the happiness they know they deserve. And if you’re lucky, your ex will find happiness again as well.

Sometimes a break up is written on a red, neon sign. Everyone sees it coming, including both people in the relationship. There’s fighting, there’s silent treatments; there’s an overabundance of anger and uncomfortable moments. But sometimes, it’s just not that easy. One person isn’t catching on that the other person is unhappy, or doesn’t feel that you’ve grown apart. Typically, you find that the person who isn’t catching on is the one who’s not paying attention and seeing the signs. And I believe that is what makes the person who is leaving run away ever faster. Because that leads you to wonder how well your spouse (boyfriend/girlfriend) actually does know you. Can they really miss the physical signs?

It’s this kind of indicator (someone clearly missing the warning signs) that is perhaps the best road map to your own happiness and what you expect from someone you share your life with. If the person you’re with is missing that there is no physical intimacy, it may be because it’s not a priority to them in their spouse. If they are missing that there’s no intellectual conversation, perhaps it’s because they don’t desire any. If they’re overlooking that you have nothing in common, it’s because it’s not something they seek out. And the toughest thing is being someone who wants these things in a person, and realizing the person you’ve spent years with is not that person now, or never was. Therein lies the real decision. Do you sacrifice years of history, comfort and pattern for the unknown? Do you trade in your wooby for a parachute to jump off with? The short answer is: yes.



How do I know this? Because I did it. I do know that some people can stay in a relationship that is not working, and they can do so forever. They can live without fire, without passion and sex or affection, because they’re too frightened of the unknown or of what everyone else thinks. Or they spend years waiting for someone else to change, which I did. But one day I woke up and realized that I kept asking him to change when really, I was the one who needed to change and stop thinking he would change for me. That maybe, he just didn’t want to change or couldn’t. Either way I should have realized that it wasn’t fair for me to ask; I just should have realized years earlier that he wasn’t the one for me. But I let the fact that I had children, a home and a life built with him hold me back from my own happiness and balance. And I haven’t even mentioned the guilt that I felt being the one to “ruin” our family.

The same day I woke up knowing I wouldn’t continue to ask him to change, I also took a stark and honest view of my life from as far outside as I could imagine. I pretended to be the woman at the store behind us as we argued about everything and so angry it was palpable. Or as the friends who had watched our marriage deteriorate or had watched him treat me so disrespectfully that they didn’t know how to approach me about it until after I left him. Or as our children, which was the worst. I realized that I didn’t want my son to grow up thinking that was how men acted, and I didn’t want my daughter to think that was how a wife and mother handled herself. When most people say that their children are ultimately why they stay in an unhappy marriage, my kids were why I left.

I want them to be romantics who think that love is blissful. That it’s respectful, kind and happy. And while I may not know what’s right for my friends now, I can say that I am immensely proud of them for being willing to trade their wooby for parachutes. And even though parachutes come with a risk, we know we’ve got one another to cushion the fall.

“It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Blondes are noticed but redheads are never forgotten. Thoughts on being a redhead.

 I’m going to begin by saying I love being a redhead. I’ve been every hair color, but more out of rebellion versus hatred of my hair color. When I was a kid, I was the Campbell Soup Kid. Chunky, big cheeks, and red hair. When I was a teen, I was too tall at 14, with braces and an ill-advised perm in that red hair. Not to mention, my questionable fashion taste. Fast forward to 18, when I was finally an “adult”. I use that term very, very loosely. I decided that I would drastically change my waist length, fiery red hair. This is because my sisters were allowed to have bleached blond hair, and I was not allowed to cut mine or dye it, and this was not open for discussion with my mom. She felt I should be proud; I was the only red head in my immediate family and was always complemented on my hair.  I felt…. Like cutting my nose off to spite my face apparently. So I marched into a salon and demanded they cut it off to my ears.  All of the stylists refused (hello, red flag). They said they would cut half of it off and I should come back in a week once I had thought it through. Luckily, there was a salon next door with less beauty ethics, and they promptly  chopped it off into a boy cut and bleached it blond. I kept what I refer to as my “Susan Powter” (You know… STOP THE INSANITY!)  do for about 14 years. 

Finally, I grew it back out and decided I would go back red. I missed it. I took offense when people called me “the tall blond”. No…that’s my sister. I’m the tall redhead!!!!  And here I am, back to my roots. Back to red, happily. And more comfortable in my skin then I’ve been in a very long time.  I’m still prone to fits of wanting to be blond again and who knows? Maybe it will happen. I’m also prone to fits of ADD.  But I will surely always carry the comfort and confidence I’ve rediscovered in being red again. And who am I kidding? I’m far too lazy for regular salon visits and maintenance.  But even if I wasn’t too lazy, I could change my hair color a million times and still take with me the confidence that being a redhead has given me.

Some of my blog ideas come from reading the paper or websites.  This one included. Last week I read an article on the Huffington Post and the title was “Being a Redhead: Why it’s a Love/Hate Relationship”.  And the article spent 90% of the writing complaining about being a redhead, griping about other people’s perception of us and about the fact that so many women are dying their hair red.  Sure, I got the nicknames like everyone else. I still do. I get a lot of questions and what people think are witty remarks about my temper and about sexual prowess and carpets matching drapes. So what?

I also get to belong to the 4% of people worldwide (yes world, not U.S.) who are genetic mutants. I like to think in a good way.  This is a list of my favorites, clearly not all inclusive. Feel free to make your own list of favorite redheads, just make sure I’m at the top.

My favorites?  Glinda the Good Witch, Anne of Green Gables, Molly Ringwald, Rita Hayworth, Nicole Kidman, Anne Margaret, Vanessa and Lynn Redgrave, Ginger Rodgers, Red Sonja, Tori Amos, Cleopatra (yep, that’s right!), my blogging idol Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) and my personal all time favorite, The Celt Warrior Queen Boudicca. She avenged the rape and torture of herself and her daughters after her husband/King’s death, and led an uprising against the Roman Empire. She was quoted to be “In stature she was very tall, in appearance most terrifying, in the glance of her eye most fierce, and her voice was harsh; a great mass of the tawniest hair fell to her hips.”  She was also fearless, and a devoted and passionate wife and mother. And led a pack of warrior men in this uprising.  Sweet. 



I also have quite a few lovely, intelligent and fiery redheads in my own family.  So I think that’s pretty good company to keep. And I don’t have one single complaint about being a redhead. Do I think we do hold an air of mystery? Maybe. Do I think redheads are highly sexed? Perhaps. But do I think we are more so over other woman with black, blonde or brown hair? You got me. I don’t sleep with those women, nor do I compare myself to them.  I do know that I am outspoken, sexually empowered, sure of myself and creative. And I think that has to do with me, not strictly my hair color. And I hope that no matter your hair color, you own it. And feel pride in it, as I do in my red. Even though I’m a mutant!

But in keeping with my redhead pride, I will end this post with some of my favorite redhead quotes:

 "Blondes are noticed but redheads are never forgotten." - Unknown

"Nobody who has known a redhead can say that redheads are tame. Even shy redheads have a burning spark of adventure inside them. Opinionated, hotheaded, logical, loyal, friendly, reserved, whatever the redheads' personality, you can bet they'll have SCADS of it!" - Review of The Redhead Encyclopedia

"All throughout history, from Reuben to Robbins, redheads have been recognized as a rare breed. Blondes may have more fun, brunettes may be brainier, but when it comes down to raw energy, creativity, and personality ... you just can't beat a redhead well, you can, but beware ... she'll probably beat you back!" - Redheads Unlimited

"It's not the hair that turns men on, it's the spirit that redheads exude." - Unknown

"I used to hate my red hair, but now I love the attention I get with it. I think that very smart, daring men love red hair, and I love that in a man." - Unknown

Jane Eyre, Country Strong and Soul Surfer

I guess you can see that my lack of writing is perhaps to due to an overabundance of movie watching these last two days. I recruited my 13 year old daughter to watch Jane Eyre with me.  I should probably change "recruited" to "shamelessly guilted". But anyway, it worked. She caved and pulled up a seat next to me.

Jane Eyre was one of my beloved gothic fiction novels when I was younger, and it remains on my favorites list. I was hoping to entice her into reading a book before the summer was out.   Once the movie was over and she declared that she loved it, I told her now she could read the book (with an overly excited mom voice, full of hope).  She flatly replied, "I don't have to read the book! I just watched the movie!"   Hmmmm..... Backfire.

I found the movie very well done. The characters were appropriately cast, with Dame Judi Dench as a lovely surprise. Obviously, it varied from the book but I would expect that. It helps to draw a larger crowd, and with a book written so long ago and lacking what we've become (unfortunately) accustomed to in current movies, then I think a bit of updating is alright. Just a little artistic leeway, I suppose.  They also did a notable job with the lighting and setting of the movie, they used it very effectively to relay the feel of the movie. It's a dark movie, but a sweeping romance at the same time. You're reminded that things weren't easy then, they had real struggles of class, sexism and disease. Women didn't have liberties as we do now, and I'm glad that my daughter asked me a ton of questions. Although I wonder if I helped along her love of moody, emotional and passionate guys in exposing her to Rochester? She gets that from me. And every Jane Austen book and movie she's seen thus far. Which would be all of them.



Once Jane Eyre ended, my daughter decided that she wasn't sleepy. I sure was, but no way was I going to let my 13 year out-hang me. You know, on my sofa. I can out-hang anyone while sitting stationary on my sofa. I am the master.

She selected Country Strong. I'm a lover of country music, I like Gwyneth and Tim McGraw. I also thought the title meant it was a story of redemption and strength. Ummmm....not so much. I wont give away the plot, but I would say that I personally wouldn't recommend this movie. I like uplifting. I deal with real life every day, I see the news. I don't look to my movies for more of human natures unbeatable demons, I look for those demons to be beat down, to a bloody pulp.  The acting was great, the music was good. But it simply wasn't for me.  I found it depressing.



And lastly, tonight I wrapped up my movie spree with another of my daughters picks. She selected Soul Surfer, which if you don't know, is the story of Bethany Hamilton. Bethany is the teen girl who lost her arm in a shark attack while surfing.  What a fantastic story for her to watch. How inspiring this kid is! My daughter has recently started to inquire about surfing.  I don't know if it's because I used to surf or because her cute guitar teacher mentioned recently that he took it up. In addition, she's at the pity-party age. I think she shed tears this morning when I told her she couldn't get a new CD right that second.



This movie came right in time. It shows Bethany pre and post attack, and how she dealt with it. It shows her own pity party, and how she dealt with it (by going to do missionary work with people who lost it all after a tidal wave).  What spirit she had, really just an unbeleiveable story and a fantastic one for a teen girl to watch. Heck, it's a great one for anyone to watch.   But her determination to overcome something that would've broken many people is something that she attributes to her family and God, clearly two things she believes in and relies upon greatly. 

I don't think I can fit one more gushy word into one post. I'm done now. I've grossed myself out.

Modern Day Femininity? Yes, that's a question mark.

I was raised in a relatively old fashioned household. By old fashioned, I mean my mom stayed home with the three girls, and my father went to work. My mom prepared all of the meals, cleaned the house, and covered all of the duties that existed in making a life for your three girls and husband.  And my dad worked very hard, did the yard work, took out the trash.  Pretty traditional, almost a “50’s, Leave it to Beaver” upbringing.  However, not in the 50’s frame of mind, my father and my mother were equals totally. There was no “I’m the man, I’m the boss” attitude. They respected each other’s duties and contributions, and the strength the other one had.  But my mother was very much a lady. She rarely cursed, she always made herself look nice for my father, and she was not vulgar or outlandish. Yes, she was educated and opinionated, but she demonstrated these things with decorum. And in turn, I have a fairly strong idea of who I am as a woman. I respect myself, and know exactly what I bring to any table.

My upbringing and my opinion of myself as a woman made me really ponder an article I read recently, titled “The Downsizing of Femininity” by Dr. Peggy Drexler. The author talks about how she questioned if men today are less masculine, or simply more liberated? She got so many comments about the subject that she returned with the question of what femininity is to the modern woman.

As someone who was a tomboy growing up, and frankly still is a tomboy, I’ve never thought of myself an anything less than feminine.   Even though I love motorcycles, cars and guns, I love all of those things with a distinctly female bent.  My NRA shirt is pink, I like to look nice when I ride a bike just like I do when I go out at night.  I don’t think that yielding a big black shotgun makes me any less ladylike, only a woman with a diverse set of interests. I still love to cook, take care of my house, and grow my vegetables.  I do not, by any stretch, see myself in the women on “Bad Girls Club”, which the author references as an example of how the modern woman is portrayed.



The author also asks if women in the workplace dial themselves down to get ahead in the workplace, since aggressive and pushy women statistically get promoted less than women who keep their femininity intact and display it more.  I worked for many years in a male dominated industry, and I excelled at it. I have friends who currently work in traditionally male dominated industries as well, and do very well. None of us have ever dialed ourselves down, but we do share a trait of aggressiveness, but practicality as well.  We’re not “in your face”, we’re not obnoxious about our positions.  We are simply fair minded and know our jobs. Just the same as anyone who deserves a promotion, regardless of their sex. And I never consciously adjusted my behavior to get ahead due to my sex. I simply worked very, very hard.  I was aware that my office was 90% male, and that I was the only woman in the executive branch. But I was also the only redhead. And the only Scorpio. And the only person who was 5’10”. Those factors didn’t matter to me. My performance did, and that I left every day knowing I did a good job. I was not worried that I had to adjust my lipstick in a board meeting.

But I do wonder what the current state of media does for women, our behaviors as well as how we’re treated. I wonder what shows like “Bad Girls Club” and Housewives spell for my young teen daughter.  I know many people who are fans of the Housewives shows. Educated, beautiful and successful women. I know some degree of this “entertainment” is escapism. And perhaps a degree is knowing that there are women who are so much more poorly behaved than us?  But everywhere you look, there are women behaving badly. And it’s not evened out with shows about women who are even keeled and loving mothers.  Or shows about women who have succeeded against all odds. If those reality shows do exist, no one is watching.  What ever happened to the heroines of the past? The ones who could be feminine and beautiful but still speak their mind and not feel they were getting stepped on? Those were the women I molded myself after, not the ones flipping tables or talking about their best friends in some confessional only to have the whole country hear. 



And that does lead me to wonder if we’re selling ourselves short. Are we making this behavior of backstabbing, lying and ridiculous behavior acceptable? Is that what young girls are growing up seeing on tv and around them, therefore no matter how hard their mothers have worked to raise them right, they will be in the minority of women eventually or come to feel that throwing another woman under the bus is okay because it’s all about getting ahead?

I hope not. In the meantime, think about it.  What are you doing to change thinking otherwise? I know I’m not doing enough. But maybe I can make a change one girl at a time. Starting with my own.   

You can read the original article here.  And I also recommend a really great book called "Scandalous Women: The Lives and Loves of History's Most Notorious Women", which tells the stories, and corrects some misconceptions, about some of the gutsiest and most talked about women in history.

Favorite Things: Grace, by B.C. Aronson

 



Once in a while, I like to impart my will on my unsuspecting readers and pressure you to buy something.  By pressure, I mean beg you. I try not to do this often, so that I don't cheapen myself. Oh wait, I think it's too late for that, no?

Anyway, this book is a must read. I mentioned it in my last post, which asked you to take a challenge with me. I got the idea from this book, and I am starting my challenge this weekend, and will report my "findings" (very scientific!) next week.  Why do I feel like this is a great little book? Because I like to try to live with grace every day, and I like to think maybe you're of the same mindset.

Don't get me wrong, it does not always work. I did say "try". Some people just rub me wrong, on the wrong days. But those days are few and far between. In the meantime, I have read some great things to think about in this, and I read a few pages each day as a reminder and to add a new twist to my thinking. Some of my favorites are below:

"It is only when you have both divine grace and human endeavor that you can experience bliss, just as you can enjoy the breeze of a fan only when you have both a fan and the electrical energy to operate it." ~Sri Sathya Sai Baba, Guru

"Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down." ~Wilson Mizner, Writer

"The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines." ~Charles Kuralt

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

And my personal favorite:

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." ~ The Dalai Lama

There you have it.  A handful of great reasons to order this book.

GRACE: Quotes & Passages for Heart, Mind and Soul edited by B.C. Aronson.

Kindness Challenge. Come on, drink the Kool Aid!

Since I’m recovering from Mono, I’ve been forced to take things a lot more slowly. I spend a lot of time resting, which I find ridiculously boring but necessary. I have learned after this illness to listen to my body, because I surely don’t want to relapse. So during one of many recent rests, I opened this little book that I have fallen in love with simply titled, “Grace”.

I can guarantee that I will post numerous quotes from this little gem, but when I was about half way through I stopped at one page and couldn’t move past it. I just could not shake this quote off.  So I stopped reading, and put it aside to think about it.  I knew I wanted to write about it, but was unsure of how to relay this….challenge.  



I get many questions about my tattoos. They’re all very personal for me, and my two most recent pieces are the ones I get the most inquiries about. I have script on both forearms. One says “C’est La Vie” and the other “C’est La Mort”. Such is life, such is death. I don’t believe you can appreciate one without appreciating the other equally. This belief prompted me to read an article that popped up on AOL one day. The tag on AOL was “Embrace Death, Live Life”.  And it was the most personal, emotional article I’ve read in a long, long time. The author lost his mother about a month prior to the article being published and he wrote so eloquently and clearly about his loss that I was stunned when I finished it.



So please do me a favor and read the full article here.  But the article was about learning lessons from death so that we can live a full life with grace and kindness. These are the five lessons he learned and shared with us:

 1. Express Yourself: Say what you have to say, don't hold things back. As my mom got closer to death, she began to express herself with a deeper level of authenticity and transparency. We had conversations about things we'd never talked about and she opened up in ways that were both liberating and inspiring. Too often in life we hold back, keep secrets, and don't share what's real -- based on our fear of rejection, judgment, and alienation. Expressing ourselves is about letting go of our limiting filters and living life "out loud."

2. Forgive: My mom and I come from a long line of grudge holders. Like me, she could hold a grudge with the best of 'em. I watched as she began to both consciously and unconsciously let go of her grudges and resentments, both big and small. It was if she was saying, "Who cares?" When you only have a few months (or weeks) to live, the idea that "Life's too short," becomes more than a bumper sticker or a catch phrase, it's a reality. And, with this reality, the natural thing for us to do is to forgive those around us, and ourselves.

3. Live With Passion: Going for it, being bold, and living our lives with a genuine sense of passion is so important. However, it's easy to get caught up in our concerns or to worry what other people will think about us. My mom, who was a pretty passionate woman throughout her life, began to live with a deeper level of passion, even as her body was deteriorating. In her final days and weeks, she engaged everyone in conversation, talked about what she was passionate about, shared grandiose ideas, and let go of many of her concerns about the opinions of others. It was amazing and such a great model and reminder of the importance of passion.

4. Acknowledge Others: At one point about a month or so before my mom died she said to me, "It's so important to appreciate people ... I don't know why I haven't done more of that in my life." Even in the midst of all she was going through and dealing with (pain, discomfort, medication, treatment, and the reality that her life was coming to an end), she went out of her way to let people know what she appreciated about them -- and people shared their appreciation with her as well. My friend Janae set up a "joy line" for people to call and leave voice messages for my mom in her final days. We got close to 50 of the most beautiful messages, all expressing love and appreciation for my mom -- most of which we were able to play for her before she passed away. Appreciation is the greatest gift we can give to others - and, we don't have to wait until we're dying to do it or until someone else is dying to let them know!

5. Surrender: While my mom clearly wasn't happy about dying, didn't want to leave us or her granddaughters, and felt like she had more to do on this earth, something happened about a month and a half before she died that was truly remarkable -- she surrendered. For my mom, who had a very strong will and was a "fighter" by nature, this probably wasn't easy. However, watching her surrender to what was happening and embrace the process of dying was truly inspirational and life-altering for those of us around her and for her as well. So much of the beauty, healing, and transformation that occurred for her and for us during her dying process was a function of surrendering. Surrendering isn't about giving up, giving in, or selling out, it's about making peace what is and choosing to embrace life (and in this case death) as it shows up. Our ability (or inability) to surrender in life is directly related to the amount of peace and fulfillment we experience.

So I mentioned earlier, I have a challenge for you. Based upon the article as well as this quote:

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.  Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward.  Your life will never be the same again.”  ~Og Mandino

Can you do it? Be kind in the face of hate or anger? To the person who cut you off in the supermarket parking lot? To people who deserve it as well as those who don’t?  

I am challenging myself to this for a weekend. Because although I try every day to be as kind as possible, I could try harder. I could be more patient and shove just a little more grace in there.  Will you join me?  Open yourself to the possibility of seeing yourself and others in a different light.  Our own development requires us to reflect on ourselves with stark honesty and self realization. Sometimes it’s harsh and sometimes it’s reassuring, but it’s always beautiful.