Modern Day Femininity? Yes, that's a question mark.

I was raised in a relatively old fashioned household. By old fashioned, I mean my mom stayed home with the three girls, and my father went to work. My mom prepared all of the meals, cleaned the house, and covered all of the duties that existed in making a life for your three girls and husband.  And my dad worked very hard, did the yard work, took out the trash.  Pretty traditional, almost a “50’s, Leave it to Beaver” upbringing.  However, not in the 50’s frame of mind, my father and my mother were equals totally. There was no “I’m the man, I’m the boss” attitude. They respected each other’s duties and contributions, and the strength the other one had.  But my mother was very much a lady. She rarely cursed, she always made herself look nice for my father, and she was not vulgar or outlandish. Yes, she was educated and opinionated, but she demonstrated these things with decorum. And in turn, I have a fairly strong idea of who I am as a woman. I respect myself, and know exactly what I bring to any table.

My upbringing and my opinion of myself as a woman made me really ponder an article I read recently, titled “The Downsizing of Femininity” by Dr. Peggy Drexler. The author talks about how she questioned if men today are less masculine, or simply more liberated? She got so many comments about the subject that she returned with the question of what femininity is to the modern woman.

As someone who was a tomboy growing up, and frankly still is a tomboy, I’ve never thought of myself an anything less than feminine.   Even though I love motorcycles, cars and guns, I love all of those things with a distinctly female bent.  My NRA shirt is pink, I like to look nice when I ride a bike just like I do when I go out at night.  I don’t think that yielding a big black shotgun makes me any less ladylike, only a woman with a diverse set of interests. I still love to cook, take care of my house, and grow my vegetables.  I do not, by any stretch, see myself in the women on “Bad Girls Club”, which the author references as an example of how the modern woman is portrayed.



The author also asks if women in the workplace dial themselves down to get ahead in the workplace, since aggressive and pushy women statistically get promoted less than women who keep their femininity intact and display it more.  I worked for many years in a male dominated industry, and I excelled at it. I have friends who currently work in traditionally male dominated industries as well, and do very well. None of us have ever dialed ourselves down, but we do share a trait of aggressiveness, but practicality as well.  We’re not “in your face”, we’re not obnoxious about our positions.  We are simply fair minded and know our jobs. Just the same as anyone who deserves a promotion, regardless of their sex. And I never consciously adjusted my behavior to get ahead due to my sex. I simply worked very, very hard.  I was aware that my office was 90% male, and that I was the only woman in the executive branch. But I was also the only redhead. And the only Scorpio. And the only person who was 5’10”. Those factors didn’t matter to me. My performance did, and that I left every day knowing I did a good job. I was not worried that I had to adjust my lipstick in a board meeting.

But I do wonder what the current state of media does for women, our behaviors as well as how we’re treated. I wonder what shows like “Bad Girls Club” and Housewives spell for my young teen daughter.  I know many people who are fans of the Housewives shows. Educated, beautiful and successful women. I know some degree of this “entertainment” is escapism. And perhaps a degree is knowing that there are women who are so much more poorly behaved than us?  But everywhere you look, there are women behaving badly. And it’s not evened out with shows about women who are even keeled and loving mothers.  Or shows about women who have succeeded against all odds. If those reality shows do exist, no one is watching.  What ever happened to the heroines of the past? The ones who could be feminine and beautiful but still speak their mind and not feel they were getting stepped on? Those were the women I molded myself after, not the ones flipping tables or talking about their best friends in some confessional only to have the whole country hear. 



And that does lead me to wonder if we’re selling ourselves short. Are we making this behavior of backstabbing, lying and ridiculous behavior acceptable? Is that what young girls are growing up seeing on tv and around them, therefore no matter how hard their mothers have worked to raise them right, they will be in the minority of women eventually or come to feel that throwing another woman under the bus is okay because it’s all about getting ahead?

I hope not. In the meantime, think about it.  What are you doing to change thinking otherwise? I know I’m not doing enough. But maybe I can make a change one girl at a time. Starting with my own.   

You can read the original article here.  And I also recommend a really great book called "Scandalous Women: The Lives and Loves of History's Most Notorious Women", which tells the stories, and corrects some misconceptions, about some of the gutsiest and most talked about women in history.