Embracing our past and weaving it into our future...Grandparents

When I was younger, there were certain things that we just did because "back then", it's what people did.  Playing outside when the weather was nice, tv was a no no. Fought and made up with our neighbors who were our age and our best friends.  Went to church. Sneaked peaks on the neighbors tv to watch MTV, which was totally new. Went to see my grandmothers on the weekends.  And this last part, I remember vividly. First because my grandmothers were very different women, and secondly because they were both strong personalities. And  lastly because my parents valued the time they had left with their mothers, and knew it was important for us to have that time as well.

Both parents had lost their fathers before I came along.  We would visit my moms mother, who would treat us to Neapolitan ice cream in army green bowls. Isn't it strange what we remember? She was also the first one to ever gift me with a pair of high heels, which was when I was about 8 and they were brown braided leather. And Im fairly certain my sisters threw them away at some point because they were tired of hearing me clop around in them.  But my grandmom "Z" had great clothes and accessories, and beautiful skin and a saucy sense of humor.

My grandmom "W" lived in the house my dad was raised in, and I can't imagine her living anywhere else. She raised her children in that house, and even in her older years continued to tend to her beautiful gardens, feed the stray animals around her house and support her neighbors. She cooked and delivered food to needy neighbors well into her 70's and when she couldn't drive, we took her to make her deliveries. She read many books, and had a bookcase that I sat next to and paged through regularly. She collected National Geographics, and could never seem to throw them out. Much like me! And she drew, and wrote and told stories about the ranch she grew up on.

And now, I watch  my parents as grandparents. It's a role they take seriously. My mother watches over her grandchildren like she did us, and my mother and father work hard to instill values and manners in their grandchildren. My father has taken on the role of father figure to his grandsons, as their biological fathers are not around very much. This is no easy task, I'm sure, as they are both just as wild and stubborn as my father was when he was a child.



Recently, I've been watching a beloved friend go through the loss of her grandmother. Her grandmother is still with us, but she is now in hospice. And even for me, who always has an overabundance of things to say, I'm very much at a loss sometimes. I remember losing my grandmothers even though I was a young teen when it happened.  And since I was young, the hardest part of losing them was watching the pain my parents went through.  I don't know how well I grasped loss at that point, so watching my strong parents go through the daily struggle of my grandmothers illnesses and then the eventual death, it was devastating.

Every day of our lives, time marches right past us. And almost every day, when time marches past it takes our history with it while we make new history.  And this is history we will never know about unless we ask while our loved ones are here.  I plead with you that you take the time to spend with your grandparents, if you're blessed to still have them, and to encourage time between your children and your parents.  And to take the time to ask questions about how your grandparents met, what was their passion, their greatest loves? In family history, you will undoubtably find comfort and most of the time, you'll figure out where you fit. And you just may be surprised to hear what real people they have been in their lifetime, what kind of teenager they were or what kind of hell they raised.

 Take the time to hold someones hand when they need it, and be brave when they need you to be.  Try to slow that time down as it marches by. Not by holding onto the past, but by weaving your families past into your present and your own future. 

When my Uncle passed after being in hospice, I struggled immensely with my feelings and how to properly express them. And one day I found this poem, which I've shared with close friends in the past. It gave me hope and comfort when I needed it.  I hope it does the same for you when you need it.

And for my friend, you are immensely brave. You are strong and beautiful and everything your grandmother would want you to be. I'm proud to be your friend every day. XOXO

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.