Tuning Out in Order to Tune In: Select Ignorance and Bliss

I'm going to start off with that my eventual point is. Bliss. Here's some inspiration to keep in mind as you read. Also, I haven't said THANK YOU lately, for sticking with me and being a partner in my crazy ride. So...THANKS!  I heart you.  And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.



We hear a lot lately about how busy our kids are, how they’re overbooked and over stimulated.  How they’re involved in too many sports, too many instruments, too many school projects and buried under homework. I would tend to agree. Most parents spend their time chauffeuring, working while they wait for their child in the parking lots of schools and activities.  

What about the grownups? I use that term loosely, by the way. What about our distracted lives? My one and only resolution I made this year was to finally make sizable progress on my book. And when I reflected over this year, which is a favorite New Years Day activity, I wondered why I hadn’t made more progress already. It dawned on me finally: I’ve been simply “getting by” this year.  And frankly, I’ve been just getting by since I became a single mom.

I don’t feel any shame admitting that. To the contrary, actually. It’s somewhat liberating to admit that you’ve not been your best self, you’ve been a working version of you instead of the creative you. Those two things don’t always run side by side.  But without one or the other, you are keenly aware that you’re missing something. When I’m not at my creative best, I’m dissatisfied and disgruntled. These past few years have been pivotal for self discovery but not self improvement. Again, two things that aren’t always together.

So after a few years of getting by, I’m ready to jump back into making myself whole again and that self improvement part. Buuuuutt…my short list of duties includes working full time and then some, helping my daughter navigate the treacherous teens and school, helping my 7 year old boy grow into a great man and a good student, supporting and running a household, spending time with family and friends, cooking, cleaning, finding a new house, packing…you get the picture. And in 24 short hours, writing and creative endeavors get pushed back to….sometime next year if I’m lucky. Maybe 2015?

And then it occurred to me that I’m the Queen of Distractions. I get online to write, begin to research and then my ADD kicks in and somehow I’m looking at real estate listings in Montana. Or I’ve stumbling into Pinterest. Or I start paying bills (though I recognize this is crucial!). And of course, there’s the dreaded Facebook black hole.



I sat down and had a long internal talk with myself. I committed to a budget, and to setting aside SCHEDULED time to pay bills. I don’t touch them otherwise. I cleaned my house. After the holidays, it was a cluttered disaster, and I frequently spent time sitting around looking at it helplessly, my only decision being to cry or not. I figure I was probably spending a half an hour a day just navigating over Christmas boxes, dogs and tinsel in order to make myself lunch. And I was unhappy with the mess and clutter. So I threw a ton away, I’ve given a ton away. I don’t miss one single thing, either. I probably couldn’t even tell you what’s gone. This has helped dramatically in my 100 Item Challenge. Although I’ve now lost count of how much is gone. That’s okay.

I turned off the TV and turned on music. I discovered I can lip sync and dance while doing practically anything. Note I didn’t say I danced well, but while vacuuming, anything helps. I turned to my kids for help. They looked panicky, because on this day of reckoning, I probably looked manic with all of my “good ideas”. But they’re old enough to be pulling way more weight than they do, and I’m not making them contributing members of this household. I’m not doing them (or their future roommates/spouses) any favors either by allowing them to be sloppy slackers.

What I've learned? Cut out the crap. Limit your online time. Use all of your tools, including kids. Tie the vacuum to your dog and make him earn his keep. I tried that, but my dog is too lazy and doesn’t mind having a vacuum tied to him apparently, so it was a bust. Establish a routine and a schedule. It doesn’t have to be rigid; after all, creative and passionate people usually do poorly without some degree of spontaneity. But turn off the phone, stop texting for a few hours, turn off the TV because it sucks you in before you notice it. This isn’t just to clear time; it’s to clear your head as well.

If you sit for a quiet five minutes, all by yourself, you will notice you already have a ton of information swirling around in your head. You have everywhere you need to be, that present to buy, the kids’ homework, the work deadlines, the question if you remembered to shower that morning? Do you really need to add in there all the days’ bad news, the market crash, that someone changed their FB status to single (wonder what happened there…)?  Probably not, at least not right now. But you could spend that time working towards your bliss, picturing what makes you happy (I've provided blissful pictures in case you need help) and working to get there in some small way or another. It doesn’t have to be a life overhaul, just baby steps for now.



I feel better already.  I’ve started to get up an hour earlier, I’ve tuned out considerably on my phone, and I watch a few choice shows a week. I’m not letting the media convince me that I should give a shit what any Housewife is doing to the other. Because I really don’t care.  My kids both have one activity to focus on, in addition to their chores and school work. We sit down together for dinner, not me eating in front of my laptop while my daughter texts and my son tries every disastrous attempt to get some attention from someone. 

Select ignorance really is bliss. Here’s to people who can only afford to “get by” sometimes, those of us who are fighting to get our whole self back, and those who aspire to greatness when we can squeeze it in!

“There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson