Everyday Courage. Yeah, Im talking to you.

Last week, I started writing a post on courage. I wrote, I scratched out, I wrote again. Sometimes an idea in my head takes time to tumble out onto paper, or in this case, a computer screen.   I wanted to point out that people overlook themselves EVERY day. YOU overlook YOURSELF every day.   I read somewhere that CAPS in an email indicates slight mental imbalance. Thank God this isn’t an email.

And for some reason, what I wanted to relay was really crystal clear in my head, but I couldn’t get it down. So I plugged into my IPod, and listened to “F*cking Perfect” by Pink. And I reread for the thousandth (is that a word? Ehhh.. spell check didn’t pop up, so that’s a good sign.) “Phenomenal Woman”, by Maya Angelou.   And I sat with my head bobbing, singing silently and reading and writing, jamming away on my IPod. And I’m certain I looked crazy to anyone who doesn’t live with me.

How do you tell people to stop and give themselves some credit? Why do I care? Because I wasn’t someone who gave myself credit, and then one day I had to make myself a promise.  Have you done that? I’ve made myself small promises, like all of us. You know, like that I wouldn’t eat fried food. Or smoke. But this new promise was big. I promised that I would live with grace, no matter what.  And I happened to make myself this promise on the first day of my separation after ten years of marriage. Ugh.

Through verbal assaults, threats and challenges, I stuck to it. But I literally had what I jokingly referred to as “Stuart Smiley” moments, where I would repeat my mantra to myself.  Instead of “people like me”, it was “live with grace”. And you know what? It worked.  I refrained from name calling, anger (most of it) and being provoked into fights.  Although the people at H&M think Im bonkers after a particularly bad episode where I walked around the lingerie department muttering “grace” out loud.  But that’s okay.

And I look around at the people I know, and their every day courage. And you all amaze me. And I wonder if you’ve stopped yourself and realized that if it were one of your friends, you’d pat them on the back and think you were lucky to know them?

Do you know how much courage it takes to be a single mom? To start your own business based out of your own creativity? To be a fierce business woman in a male industry? To announce to the world that you’re a lesbian and believe in love across gender lines? To live every day as a recovering alcoholic or user? To leave an abusive relationship? To be a parent? To face the world as a widow? To foster animals that you’ll get attached to and have to give away? To be a teen girl who faces bullies every day? To be yourself?

Or simply to wake every day, being authentic and true to yourself?

If you don’t recognize yourself in anything I’ve written, then STOP and give yourself credit or do something worthy of credit.  And even if you do recognize yourself, I will ask one more thing of you. Live your life with tolerance and kindness.  Remember that you live your life in the way that’s best for you, not the way that’s best for everyone.  Everyone has their own path, and walking a mile in someone else’s shoes is invaluable.

When someone cuts you off, try to think that maybe they have a wife in labor or a loved one they need to speak last words to. Yes, it’s entirely possible that they’re just a jerk. But maybe, just maybe, there’s more to their story.  Please remember that there’s ALWAYS more to the story. Your story.